Friday, 19 December 2014

Fostering Frustration

Remember when I said we were waiting for a letter in the new year to see if were accepted for fostering? Not going to happen - I got a phone call instead. Apparently, we need to have a bedroom available for every child even though our two kids have chosen to share. Now, I sort of get that. I agree that the foster child should have a separate space that's just for them. What I don't get is what that has to do with my kids, who share a room not only quite happily, but tenaciously, stubbornly, and resisting all efforts the contrary. Even though their beds are only two feet apart, we still end up with this....

(It's a wonder anyone fits in there with all those stuffed animals, much less two kids and a cat!)

It's frustrating, because we have the space in our hearts and the space in our home right now. We plan - and  have always planned - on looking for a place with a yard. Now that place needs to be larger, and in the meantime our application is stalled. We can't move until after the school year, and that is assuming we can find a reasonably-priced house in a decent area. Our contact did make a point of saying more than once that space was the only thing that stood between us and applying, and that as soon as we had a lease or a mortgage, the application would be in the mail.

It's frustrating, because at no point during either meeting were we told that every child needed to have a separate bedroom. I feel that this kind of restriction has the effect of heavily  favouring the chances of the rich or the childless in the selection process. It limits people who already have young children and want to grow their family to one child at most, because how many people have a five bedroom house?

It's frustrating, but I have to let that go and focus on the positives. They think we are good candidates.  Yay! It gives us a push to make a big decision, and since we are the king and queen of fence-sitting we need a good shove now and then. Yay! Because since would have to move, we are seriously considering making it a big one, and starting all over again in another province - one with a better economy.

How far would you go to put yourself in a position of being able to apply as a foster parent? Would you move to a larger home, knowing that your application may still be rejected? I'd love to hear your thoughts!


  1. I obviously don't know how things work in your area, but I strongly encourage you to "take this up the chain" if you can. Even when you are a foster parent, the state/county/province CANNOT tell you how to parent your own child. I have a good friend with a 2-bedroom home and a daughter who sleeps with her. Even thought the extra bedroom is just that - an extra bedroom, she who was told forever that she could only accept girls because the 2nd bedroom was for her daughter and you can't put boys in the same room with girls... She went round and round until someone finally acknowledged that the state cannot tell me friend where her own daughter is allowed to sleep.

    Does that make the slightest bit of sense? The short version: push that issue, if you can, until you find someone that doesn't think they can tell you how to raise your own children.

    1. Thank you for the advice and the support! I think the rules are provincially mandated, but I am certainly going to make sure now that she has her facts straight, since the leaders of the selection sessions seemed to think it was fine.